


Solace

by xVenusRosex



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Het and Slash, Slash, Sunnydale (BtVS)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 09:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17506037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xVenusRosex/pseuds/xVenusRosex
Summary: Set during Dead Things. A one-shot.Buffy tries to come to terms with her feelings for Spike while struggling with depression.





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy.

Spike sat up on his elbows, studying the woman next to him. Inclining his head towards her, he frowned a little as an unusually serious expression settled on his features. 

“Do you even like me?” He wondered aloud, causing her to glance over at him almost as though she were startled. 

She wasn’t sure how to feel. Spike confused her. He was supposed to be her enemy, a creature to be slain. Yet, her heart clenched at the thought of him turning to dust. As much as she loathed herself for finding comfort in an undead demon’s arms, she couldn’t help but be drawn to him. 

“Sometimes.” She whispered, her tone sincere.

Spike seemed satisfied with that answer. This was the first time after romping that they had managed to have a civil conversation. Buffy normally punched him or ran off hurriedly after sex. Or both, more likely.

He slowly reached behind him, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. 

“Do you trust me?” He asked, already knowing that she didn’t.

“Never.” Her tone was quiet, but adament.

He smirked, watching as she took the cuffs from him. Buffy gazed down at the handsome vampire, running her hands along the planes of his slim, muscular body, dragging fingertips along his arms with an intensity he enjoyed. He gasped as she reached his cuffed hands, bucking his hips a little as Buffy rubbed one hand over his hardening shaft. His stamina impressed her considering they had just had a good round.

 

Buffy usually never kissed him during this, hadn’t since the first time they had fucked. This time, however, she leaned down and kissed him more gently than he was used to. As though remembering herself and their situation, she turned rough again moments later, taking what was hers. Buffy rode him, moaning loudly, soley focused on her own pleasure. 

Spike moaned when he felt her clamp around his length. Her head fell back, short blonde hair falling about her shoulders. He came moments later, his hands straining against the cuffs as he writhed on the bed.

He gazed at her through half-lidded eyes, admiring his beautiful slayer. The things she did to him.

o

 

As soon as they were able to move properly, Buffy hastily got dressed. Yanking her shirt down, her green eyes scanned the crypt for her shoes. Quickly, she slipped them on and began walking out. A clearing of Spike’s throat made her pause and turn to him.

He was still very much chained and naked. 

“Forgettin’ somethin’, luv?” He asked lowly, giving her a look that should’ve been illegal.

Buffy nearly shuddered, her eyes narrowing as she felt tempted to stay with him. He looked like everything that she needed at the moment.

But Dawn needed her too.

“Right.” She said rigidly, coming over to the bed and swiping the key off the nightstand. Unlocking the cuffs, she stepped back as he rubbed at his reddened wrists with a delivish smirk.

“Runnin’ off now?” He guessed.

“Goodbye, Spike.” She said as coldly as she could manage.

“Maybe next time we coul-!” He started.

Sighing, she stopped in her tracks and glared at the blonde vampire. “There won’t be a next time. This is it. I mean that.”

There was something different about her tone. Normally, Spike paid little heed to those terse words because he knew there would be a next time. Now, he believed her. Believed she was finally done with him. And it tore at something in his chest.

“You don’t mean that.” He murmured. 

Buffy folded her arms. “You’re wrong.”

“We can talk about this later.” He insisted, pulling some briefs and dark jeans on. “You’ve got other things to worry about.”

She knew he meant Willow and dark magic, not to mention Warren and the nerd squad.

His words should’ve soothed her, but they infuriated her instead and only made her that much more confused. Flashes of soulless Angel went through her mind suddenly. Visions of how horrible Angelus had been to her and the people she cared about. Not to mention the other countless bloodthirsty vamps.

And yet this one gave a damn about her feelings, or pretended to anyway. Buffy assumed Spike had better self-control than most, perhaps was a little smarter. Or one hell of an actor. Even with the chip holding him back, he should’ve been more...well, not like this. Not this caring, strong, sometimes cruel, but always loyal man. She couldn’t wrap her head around this anamoly of a vampire.

“I don’t need to talk about it.” Buffy blurted. “I can’t do this anymore. And I have Warren and Willow under control.”

“Fine, you’re supposedly done with me.” Spike began.

“I am.” She interrupted emphatically.

Shrugging, he carried on with a slightly more annoyed look. She couldn’t tell if he was irritated because he was interrupted or because she was giving him the cold shoulder again. 

“Anyway, if you needed my help-!”

“I don’t need you to help me out anymore. I don’t need anything from you.” Buffy repeated. “I’ve gotta go. I need to get home, it’s getting late.”

“Bye, luv.” His voice was comforting and warm despite her harsh words, making her somehow angrier.

Buffy knew she was using him, screwing him to feel good. To feel anything but the darkness that followed her day in and day out. Returning from heaven was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, and that was an understatement. Words couldn’t explain the pain she felt.

And ironically, she found solace in the dark. With him.

Worse still, she knew deep within that a part of her loved him. Actually loved him. Loved a soulless, evil demon and the thought alone twisted at her guts. If she were merely using him for sex, it would be easier to stay detached. To tell herself she was still a kick ass slayer and that sleeping with one lousy vampire didn’t make her any less capable.

But this wasn’t just any lousy vampire. This was Spike. Her heart clenched again as her eyes filled with tears. Even Angel hadn’t quite made her feel this way nor Riley.

If this was what love actually felt like, she hated it. Hated the fact she cared about him so much. She couldn’t love him fully however, couldn’t allow herself to. And she would have to push him away, because ultimately, the men in her life left anyhow.

Her dad left her and their mother, Angel broke up with her, and Riley had left town. It was better for both of them to seperate, she was certain.

She slammed the door and walked home quickly, secretly hoping he’d follow.

He didn’t to her dismay, but it wasn’t a surprise.

 

o

He did follow her later on though. All to stop her from turning herself in. At the time, she thought she had murdered the girl that Warren had killed.

And Spike being the anamoly that he was, had tried in his own sweet, stupid way to stop her. And she’d beaten him to a nearly bloody pulp. 

Tears in her eyes, she gasped at the damage she had done. She felt sick. Bile rose in her throat as she realized she wasn’t much better than him. And she actually had a soul, at least Spike had an excuse to be evil. She didn’t condone it whatsoever, but she could see him killing and beating people. It’s what vampires did, what demons do.

She didn’t have an excuse.

“You always hurt the ones you love, pet.” He tried for a warm smile, but coughed and collapsed back on the pavement instead.

 

He couldn’t know how she felt, could he? No, he was a disgusting, unfeeling thing. He didn’t have feelings, she tried to tell herself. It was just his own selfish desire to have her.

It was also his own way of comforting her, she realized.

A horrified expression crossed her face. Not even bothering to deny his statement, she bolted off as fast as possible.

Buffy didn’t know what to think anymore, but she knew she had to be strong and end it. End their relationship, or whatever it was, for good.


End file.
